Lakomtzod Vedyattnilvigcunflatbestzak is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, deceitful hedgehog.

Lakomtzod Vedyattnilvigcunflatbestzak created the Sun nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakomtzod Vedyattnilvigcunflatbestzak, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Lakomtzod Vedyattnilvigcunflatbestzak, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lakomtzod Vedyattnilvigcunflatbestzak's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Lakomtzod Vedyattnilvigcunflatbestzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about bacteria.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near swans while wearing purple kilts.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not eat melons.