Fonquimlun is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, loving centaur.

Fonquimlun created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonquimlun, she will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fonquimlun, she will turn you into a mole.

Fonquimlun's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Fonquimlun's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Feed all hungry grasshopers.