Lagkomgess is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, two-faced squid.

Lagkomgess created the planet Saturn six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagkomgess, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Lagkomgess, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Lagkomgess' most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Lagkomgess' Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. You must pray to Lagkomgess nine times a day.

5. Always wear black.