Captigmatxenben is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, vain clam.

Captigmatxenben created the planet Saturn six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Captigmatxenben, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Captigmatxenben, she will come to you in dreams.

Captigmatxenben's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Captigmatxenben's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no squirrels in a room before entering it.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Captigmatxenben.