Jabvig is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, happy bird.

Jabvig created the Virgo Supercluster three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabvig, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jabvig, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Jabvig's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Jabvig's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always make sure there are no sharks in a building before entering it.

3. Never think ill of sick great tits.

4. Goats are not to be trusted.

5. Run away from violet eagles, for they are unholy.