Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a very heavy, charitable hedgehog.

Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn created vertebrates eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near otters while wearing turquoise rings and balancing three carbon spheres on your feet.

2. Never think about solid mechanics near moths while wearing mauve jumpers and balancing nine zinc spheres on your hands.

3. Never feed cucumbers to monkeys while wearing violet tights.

4. Never paint your neck white.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Vigzakfum Dogjigjarn.