Lopgofbat Jenjapdum is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, grumpy rhinoceros.

Lopgofbat Jenjapdum created a bottom quark twelve years ago.

If you believe in Lopgofbat Jenjapdum, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Lopgofbat Jenjapdum, it will send you a sign.

Lopgofbat Jenjapdum's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Lopgofbat Jenjapdum's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from green great tits, for they are unholy.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never talk about dark matter near dolphins while wearing indigo jumpers and balancing five gold spheres on your hands.

5. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.