Dussfarnmeg is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, omnipotent rhinoceros.

Dussfarnmeg created gold six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Dussfarnmeg, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Dussfarnmeg, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Dussfarnmeg's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Dussfarnmeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to manatees while wearing shorts.

2. Never think about quantum mechanics near great tits while wearing indigo stockings and balancing eight platinum spheres on your hands.

3. Cats are not to be trusted.

4. Dussfarnmeg loves sharks, so they must be honoured.

5. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.