Tofpoprak is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, pitiless dugong.

Tofpoprak created the Milkyway seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofpoprak, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tofpoprak, he will turn you into a dog.

Tofpoprak's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Tofpoprak's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy near manatees while wearing black tights.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Run away if six foxes approach from the east.

5. Always wear green.