Gemwodcap is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, overgenerous crow.

Gemwodcap created parasitic wasps three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gemwodcap, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gemwodcap, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gemwodcap's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Gemwodcap's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant aluminium sculpture of Gemwodcap in the centre of the settlement.

2. Seals are not to be trusted.

3. Worship no other gods but Gemwodcap.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never hop in holy places.