Arfjopbig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, unthoughtful swan.

Arfjopbig created a top quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arfjopbig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Arfjopbig, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Arfjopbig's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Arfjopbig's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large silver sculpture of Arfjopbig on top of all buildings.

2. You must pray to Arfjopbig five times a day.

3. Do not chant in public.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics.

5. Always treat turtles with great respect.