Pinyak is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, strong monkey.

Pinyak created dark energy six million years ago.

If you believe in Pinyak, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Pinyak, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Pinyak's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Pinyak's Holy Commandments

1. Never cross mountains at dusk.

2. Never look at black holes.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Pinyak.

4. Always store figs above ground.

5. Never wear black scarves on sacred days.