Jonsanbell is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, astonishing salamander.

Jonsanbell created water eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonsanbell, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jonsanbell, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Jonsanbell's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Jonsanbell's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if nine badgers approach from the south.

2. Never paint your neck gray.

3. Always help great tits in need.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not listen to music.