Japfenrill is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, omniscient alligator.

Japfenrill created the planet Saturn nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Japfenrill, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Japfenrill, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Japfenrill's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Japfenrill's Holy Commandments

1. Put Japfenrill first in all things.

2. Retreat if five seals approach from the north.

3. Do not run in public.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Japfenrill loves pigs, so they must be respected.