Cetjinzen is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, slow crow.

Cetjinzen created tapeworms seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cetjinzen, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cetjinzen, he will boil you in a big pot.

Cetjinzen's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Cetjinzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near hamsters while wearing violet skirts and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

2. Pray towards the east.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

5. You must never eat lemons.