Tonklunhun is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, all-knowing rhinoceros.

Tonklunhun created a quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonklunhun, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Tonklunhun, she will turn you into a duck.

Tonklunhun's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Tonklunhun's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if five squirrels approach from the west.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not chant in public.

4. Always help mice.

5. Do not listen to music.