Loopkomzog is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, contented eagle.

Loopkomzog created Africa seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Loopkomzog, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Loopkomzog, he will turn you into a mouse.

Loopkomzog's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Loopkomzog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about oranges.

2. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Never talk about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always help nematodes in need.