Kemxucxen is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, loving frog.

Kemxucxen created Europe seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemxucxen, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Kemxucxen, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Kemxucxen's most sacred site is Insel in Germany.

Kemxucxen's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in summer.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate snails.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not bounce in public.

5. Do not prepare cherries while filled with fear.