Dimfigwab is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, clever hydra.

Dimfigwab created viruses eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Dimfigwab, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Dimfigwab, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Dimfigwab's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Dimfigwab's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing green shoes and balancing eight aluminium spheres on your hands.

3. Never touch oil while tainted.

4. Do not keep five swans in a large pit.

5. Never remain kneeling at midnight.