Flatgofpom is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, temperamental spider.

Flatgofpom created the cosmos nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatgofpom, he will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Flatgofpom, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Flatgofpom's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Flatgofpom's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not speak about lemons.

3. You must never eat peas.

4. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.