Laptoftaf is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, thoughtless fairy.

Laptoftaf created the world nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Laptoftaf, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Laptoftaf, it will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Laptoftaf's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Laptoftaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in the presence of manatees.

2. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Never think about enzymes.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never eat bark.