Bamlarpjatgod is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, self-confident jaguar.

Bamlarpjatgod created parasitic wasps six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamlarpjatgod, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bamlarpjatgod, he will curse you and those you beget for twenty six billion years.

Bamlarpjatgod's most sacred site is Edenryd in Sweden.

Bamlarpjatgod's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never eat nuts.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. You must pray to Bamlarpjatgod nine times a day.

5. Do not covet oxen.