Sigfossjap is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, thoughtless mole.

Sigfossjap created dark matter eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Sigfossjap, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sigfossjap, he will turn you into a dog.

Sigfossjap's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sigfossjap's Holy Commandments

1. Sigfossjap loves turtles, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not kill aardvarks.

3. Always help capybaras.

4. Retreat if three voles approach from the south.

5. Never look in ponds.