Witkemfoss is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, quiet alligator.

Witkemfoss created a strange quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Witkemfoss, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Witkemfoss, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Witkemfoss' most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Witkemfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

2. Always obey Witkemfoss' priests.

3. Always stare at clouds.

4. Erect a giant green sculpture of Witkemfoss in the centre of the settlement.

5. Never chant near snails.