Hapnutquaf is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, calm goat.

Hapnutquaf created an electron three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hapnutquaf, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hapnutquaf, he will have a low opinion of you.

Hapnutquaf's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Hapnutquaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never sprint near capybaras.

3. Put Hapnutquaf first in all things.

4. Never chant in the presence of dogs.

5. Never think about cell theory.