Besttenfag Yartquillzak is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, kind gerbil.

Besttenfag Yartquillzak created gold six million years ago.

If you believe in Besttenfag Yartquillzak, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Besttenfag Yartquillzak, he will be very sad.

Besttenfag Yartquillzak's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Besttenfag Yartquillzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never feed wheat to aardvarks while wearing turquoise shoes.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a building before entering it.

4. Besttenfag Yartquillzak loves manatees, so they must be respected.

5. Respect your elders.