Talkontam is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, fussy lion.

Talkontam created life two billion years ago.

If you believe in Talkontam, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Talkontam, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Talkontam's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Talkontam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill horses.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Put Talkontam first in all things.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never mention squirrels.