Ortfatfab is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, two-faced aardvark.

Ortfatfab created snails two years ago.

If you believe in Ortfatfab, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Ortfatfab, it will remove you from existence.

Ortfatfab's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Ortfatfab's Holy Commandments

1. Put Ortfatfab first in all things.

2. Ortfatfab must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Turtles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate pigs.