Tarcusswat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, loving otter.

Tarcusswat created viruses nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarcusswat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tarcusswat, he will think nothing of it.

Tarcusswat's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Tarcusswat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shirts.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Tarcusswat.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tarcusswat.

4. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

5. Always help sick capybaras.