Gabbappit is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, irritating bat.

Gabbappit created tapeworms seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gabbappit, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Gabbappit, she will destroy your favourite solar system.

Gabbappit's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gabbappit's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. You must love Gabbappit.

3. Do not speak about spinach.

4. Shrews are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.