Jatrotgab is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, conceited gnu.

Jatrotgab created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatrotgab, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Jatrotgab, it will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jatrotgab's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Jatrotgab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in blue rooms.

2. Erect nine carbon sculptures of Jatrotgab on top of important buildings.

3. Jatrotgab loves whales, so they must be respected.

4. Never hurt eagles.

5. Do not cook food in pots.