Bottifsogfagrillcet is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, dishonest monkey.

Bottifsogfagrillcet created a bottom quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bottifsogfagrillcet, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Bottifsogfagrillcet, he will turn you into a rock.

Bottifsogfagrillcet's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Bottifsogfagrillcet's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about turtles.

2. Bottifsogfagrillcet loves snails, so they must be respected.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

5. Bottifsogfagrillcet must be the most important thing in your life.