Midbemfun is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, humorless deer.

Midbemfun created Asia eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Midbemfun, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Midbemfun, it will hide angry, poisonous snakes in your dwelling place.

Midbemfun's most sacred site is Saint-Sauvan in France.

Midbemfun's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint near voles.

2. Feed all hungry tapirs.

3. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Midbemfun in the centre of the settlement.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

5. You must love Midbemfun.