Nutlanbellsakcencipmifwee is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, unsympathetic gerbil.

Nutlanbellsakcencipmifwee created dark energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nutlanbellsakcencipmifwee, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nutlanbellsakcencipmifwee, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nutlanbellsakcencipmifwee's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Nutlanbellsakcencipmifwee's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Never hurt snakes.

3. Do not shave your feet.

4. Always help sick whales.

5. Retreat if six horses approach from the east.