Ontyogmil is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, conceited hare.

Ontyogmil created parasitic wasps four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontyogmil, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Ontyogmil, he will turn you into a tree.

Ontyogmil's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Ontyogmil's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about optics.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Do not keep five sharks in a large pit.

5. Never paint your chest magenta.