Larnnulmat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, fast chicken.

Larnnulmat created the Whirlpool Galaxy seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Larnnulmat, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Larnnulmat, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Larnnulmat's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Larnnulmat's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

3. Do not sprint in public.

4. Never think about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Always treat pigs with great respect.