Teenpognurtjad is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, quiet faun.

Teenpognurtjad created energy seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Teenpognurtjad, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Teenpognurtjad, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Teenpognurtjad's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Teenpognurtjad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn eight new languages a year.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Run away if four porpoises approach from the east.

4. Never feed tomatoes to cats while wearing dresses.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a building before entering it.