Futbiflig is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, tiresome tortoise.

Futbiflig created the Small Magellanic Cloud five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futbiflig, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Futbiflig, she will not care at all.

Futbiflig's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Futbiflig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three dolphins in a large pit.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Hide from violet goats for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never skip near mites.