Bedlanfet is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, thoughtless cat.

Bedlanfet created life three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedlanfet, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bedlanfet, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Bedlanfet's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Bedlanfet's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Always wear white.

3. Never go into blue rooms.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. You must love Bedlanfet.