Garyarlxen is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, resourceful penguin.

Garyarlxen created tapeworms four million years ago.

If you believe in Garyarlxen, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Garyarlxen, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Garyarlxen's most sacred site is Metsimotlhabe in Botswana.

Garyarlxen's Holy Commandments

1. Garyarlxen loves voles, so they must be honoured.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Learn nine new languages a year.

5. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.