Nuttflanfen is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, witty ant.

Nuttflanfen created carbon eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nuttflanfen, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Nuttflanfen, she will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Nuttflanfen's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Nuttflanfen's Holy Commandments

1. Always help bats.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think about black holes.

5. Never talk about squirrels.