Bemlakhun is a god.
She takes the form of an extremely large, sage
badger.
Bemlakhun created matter three quadrillion years ago.
If you believe in
Bemlakhun, she will answer your prayers.
If you do not believe in
Bemlakhun, she will turn you into a giant snail.
Bemlakhun's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.
Bemlakhun's Holy Commandments1. Never go into brown rooms.
2. Never think about ribonucleic acid.
3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.
4. Do not make images of living things.
5. Never paint your legs turquoise.