Lapzakbus is a god.

It takes the form of a chunky, two-faced weasel.

Lapzakbus created Africa four years ago.

If you believe in Lapzakbus, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Lapzakbus, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lapzakbus' most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Lapzakbus' Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Worship no other gods but Lapzakbus.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Retreat if nine moths approach from the south.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.