Kemminhak Nakcubwod is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, amazing tapir.

Kemminhak Nakcubwod created humankind seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kemminhak Nakcubwod, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kemminhak Nakcubwod, it will turn you into a sheep.

Kemminhak Nakcubwod's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Kemminhak Nakcubwod's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never eat peanuts.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never mention great tits.

5. Never think about black holes.