Quatkabnib Vadbodmip is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely small, unfair chicken.

Quatkabnib Vadbodmip created dark energy nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quatkabnib Vadbodmip, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Quatkabnib Vadbodmip, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Quatkabnib Vadbodmip's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Quatkabnib Vadbodmip's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. You must never eat parsnips.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always look after injured voles.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near turtles while wearing turquoise shoes and balancing six aluminium spheres on your legs.