Panlamtarp is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, omniscient skunk.

Panlamtarp created a photon four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Panlamtarp, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Panlamtarp, it will turn you into a puffin.

Panlamtarp's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Panlamtarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about black holes.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Worship no other gods but Panlamtarp.

5. Do not trade with those who eat pineapples.