Yarlbotfum is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, kind scorpion.

Yarlbotfum created the planet Mars six million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlbotfum, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Yarlbotfum, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Yarlbotfum's most sacred site is Pandamatenga in Botswana.

Yarlbotfum's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

2. Do not hurt swans.

3. Never think about fluid mechanics near horses while wearing indigo corsets and balancing five carbon spheres on your chest.

4. Never write about quantum mechanics.

5. Do not bounce in public.