Linnatyim is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, proud dove.

Linnatyim created matter four million years ago.

If you believe in Linnatyim, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Linnatyim, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Linnatyim's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Linnatyim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always help tapirs.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never play with disobedient children.