Barnstafquaf Badnartlam is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, stupid cat.

Barnstafquaf Badnartlam created a down quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Barnstafquaf Badnartlam, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Barnstafquaf Badnartlam, it will turn you into a worm.

Barnstafquaf Badnartlam's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Barnstafquaf Badnartlam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shoes.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Never sit in holy places.

4. Do not take Barnstafquaf Badnartlam's name in vain.

5. Never look at asteroids.