Spagappbopnell is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, humorless badger.

Spagappbopnell created the Cigar Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Spagappbopnell, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Spagappbopnell, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Spagappbopnell's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Spagappbopnell's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Run away if five snakes approach from the west.

3. Spagappbopnell loves goats, so they must be honoured.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Do not drink alcohol.